Revisiting a relationship

New Delhi (IANSlife) Often when we break up with someone we are left wondering if we did the right thing or made a huge mistake. Since we all know love is not easy to find, we fixate on this and find ourselves in a limbo of considering the options which are, go back or move on.

While some relationships can be rekindled with time and space, others were never meant to stand the test of time. Take a look at signs that will show you whether it can work, or if it’s time to move on.

Signs It Can Work

Communication improvements: Has there been a change in how you communicate your feelings to each other? Often, the cause of why people break up is not being able to truly understand one another and be patient towards how their partner is feeling, to fix the relationship. Do you think that after some time apart you can talk to them more openly and there’s a commitment towards doing this more effectively?

Reflection: Have you both taken the time to understand where the relationship went wrong and what would be different this time? Taking the time to reflect is very crucial. While you may miss someone, you must know exactly what you want done differently or can do differently this time around. You also have to take into consideration if the two of you have grown individually during your time apart. This will allow the two of you to start fresh and deepen your connection if the two of you have evolved positively.

Have the reasons you broke up been resolved? Going back to the same issues will never work. You will just end up where you left off. Knowing exactly what they are and being able to make the required changes so they don’t happen again, is the attitude the two of you need, to make this work. It’s a joint effort and having this clarity is the most important thing.

Love: Yes, it’s a cliche, but we can’t ignore it because, as I mentioned, it’s the most challenging thing to find. If both of you genuinely love each other and share equal commitment, adopting the attitude of “whatever comes our way, we’ll work through it” is feasible. However, don’t cling to this idea if it isn’t working. True love has the power to mend issues and bring harmony. If it lacks harmony, then perhaps this isn’t the right love for you.

Signs It Won’t Work

Your values and goals don’t align: If you and your partner do not share the same view of the future, it will always be an issue because, over time, this will lead to resentment. The destination has to be the same for both of you. If both of you want different things, then your paths can never merge. Also, your core morals, knowing right from wrong, need to align. You need to have a shared view of an inner compass that you both live by. Without this, there will always be conflict.

Lack of effort: As the saying goes, it takes two hands to clap. If one person is putting in all the effort to get the relationship on track again, yet the other isn’t, then you need to reevaluate this. Getting a relationship to work once it has a crack is hard work and a joint effort. If one of you is showing disinterest or not investing time, then this implies that the effort is completely one-sided.

Repeated Issues: If the same issues keep popping up, then this will never work. For relationships to work, past baggage has to be left in the past. If even after trying to resolve them they still keep popping up, then that means they are still very much in the present. And, after everything, if it’s still there, then you have to consider that perhaps it’ll never be resolved.

Lack of emotional or physical intimacy: If there is a disconnect between these two things and you don’t know why, it’s because there is a possibly much deeper underlying issue. Without these two things, a relationship can never flourish, and it can never grow. It will also feel like something is missing.

Figuring out whether to go back to a relationship or move on can leave you in a place of limbo. However, getting your answers is the best thing you can do for yourself. Don’t be afraid to figure it out and take the call. Whatever happens, you are going to end up exactly where you need to be. A wise person once said to me, “Treat your love life like a book. For you to know how the story ends, you need to be brave enough to turn the page.”

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